Have you ever had a time where you are earnestly seeking an answer to a question and all you experience is silence? I’ve been in that situation for the past several weeks: asking God for answers and hearing nothing.
Luckily, I met with my Spiritual Director this past week. I shared with him my desolation in this paralyzed state. While my prayer time still felt like joy and love, this non-answer made me feel like I was doing something wrong or not hearing correctly. God speaks, right? That’s an important theological assumption, but I wasn’t hearing a thing. The silence was driving me to desolation, making me feel like I needed to stay put, to not make a decision either way. In response, my Director offered me this gem.
If you’re not hearing anything, there’s likely nothing to hear.
Immediately, my heart lifted. Why do I doubt my ability to hear God? Why would I think God would speak in a way that I couldn’t hear when my intention is open and ready to hear? Just because I want some direction, some movement, that doesn’t mean God’s going to give me what I want. I want a no or yes, go or stay. What I’m hearing – or not hearing – is “stay put and not yet.”
What then is the purpose of the silence if I’m left waiting on an answer? Is it still productive? Are these even the right questions? I don’t think so. And even though I’ve been praying and practicing for decades, I still fall back into the habit of wanting something to happen, hearing something or having an “experience.” I’m learning now that the silence is the gift. Presence is happening there. Being – sitting and being present – is the point. Even in the silence, we are engaged in communion with God.
Since we’ve been practicing contemplation together – and I hope you’re able to practice some on your own – I thought it would be helpful to share this with you. When you’re sitting in silence waiting for God to speak, you may not hear anything. This doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. This also doesn’t mean God isn’t there with you. The good news is that God is there in the silence.
May you learn to enjoy that Divine Presence for what it is. And may you increase in faith, hope, and love.